From Ashes to Revival

Warsaw 1920,

      You saw one of your greatest victories over the newly formed Soviet Union. It was dramatic and unexpected which made it all the more glorious. The defense of Poland was crucial; it meant death if Polish forces could not withstand the Soviet immoral onslaught. Pilsudski prepared a battle plan that was crazy; he would concentrate his best troops on the flanks of the Soviet reserve army. Pilsudski fought against the Russians for years, and many of his attempts to incite rebellion before World War I were futile. He found some success against the Russians during World War I but still no chance at a Polish "state." The Kurds of the early 20th century, the Poles had been divided up and partitioned by the Russians, Germans, and Austrians some 130 years prior to 1920. The Polish people are resilient, rebellion after rebellion they incited. Pilsudski, a rabble-rouser himself, wrote underground left-wing pamphlets criticizing the Russian Empire until his capture. Now at the ripe age of 52 he obstructed Trotsky's world revolution at the Battle of Warsaw.

Royal Castle, Warsaw

     Poland's existence depended upon this bold operational decision, and Pilsudski ruled in the form of a dictator after a controversial coup d'état in May of 1926. He sought important diplomatic relations with neighboring countries and arguably one of the best diplomats of the 20th century. He paralyzed both the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany through cunning diplomatic measures. Nonetheless, all the work, every ounce of blood that was lost during the Polish-Soviet War amounted to nothing in October 1939. After Pilsudski's death in 1935, the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany made a non-aggression pact and invaded Poland from both the east and west. The Polish people lost everything; the Jewish people lost even more. Warsaw burned; the city was left as ashes. The Nazi's destroyed the city after the Warsaw Uprising in 1944. After the war Poland was forgotten, and they would rule tyrannically until September of 1989 when the Soviet Union crumbled in Poland due to worker's strikes across the country. Now they have an ever-growing economy and rebuilt all of Poland, including Warsaw. A remarkable feat for a country that has been molested by war and foreign control throughout the 20th century. In the form of an eagle over a phoenix, they rose from the ashes.

Warsaw 1945

    The question remains, "Why could Poland not withstand the Soviet and German invasion of 1939?" There are obviously many factors that contribute to their horrific downfall. Their economy devastated by the Great Depression left them without the same means of production that both the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany employed. Other Allied forces failed to provide relief to country of Poland, and Pilsudski's colonels failed to run the government as strictly and successfully. There was a remarkable leadership gap between Pilsudski and Rydz-Smigly. Most obviously, their geographic location left the country open for invasion. Many of these points are still highly debated among academics today.

    At this point I am sure you are curious as to why I just gave you a brief history of Poland over the last two-hundred years. Well my answer is because it is a way I help justify my life. This blog is not really about you it is for me. I just enjoy writing about it, and truthfully looking at historical events helps pull me through really dark times in my life. It is a healing process. What I discuss on this blog is nothing in comparison to the horror of the occupation of Poland or the destruction of Warsaw, but simply, how my life turned into ash (metaphorically).

    It was a big deal for me to graduate college; there were so many tests and papers which made or broke my grade. I knew there was a lot riding on my GPA to get into graduate school. I also wanted to prove to myself that I was the best. I wanted to be the best at whatever I did. There was a lot of heart-break throughout my time at college. I lost my grandfather in the fall of 2014; it still is very difficult for me to discuss with others. My trip to Turkey was not what I intended...from what happened is why I stopped publishing my other blog. I digress, whatever difficulties I faced I seemed to have conquered all of it in the Fall of 2016 when I graduated. I thought everything was going as a plan and as it should. I proposed to my girlfriend at the time, I graduated Summa Cum Laude (top 2% of my entire class), and I had a job lined up in Chicago for me until I went to graduate school.

    Nonetheless, it all fell a part and self-destructed. I held onto everything until it became like ash that fell through my hands. I was left with nothing by the end of 2017. I do not believe I ever loved my ex-girlfriend whom I proposed to at the time. It was very apparent when we moved in together. We started fighting over my future. She did not want me moving to the state I was applying for graduate school, away from her family. She never believed I could accomplish my dreams. In a weird crazy way, she was right. I quit the job I was working because I was miserable there. Honestly, nothing is worse to me than sitting at a desk for eight straight hours pretending to do work, and then going home to a fiancée that hardly feels anything for me. It was ugly, and I moved back home. Truthfully, the best part about Chicago was going to the Polish Museum; this is where I learned much about Pilsudski. It also motivated me to start reading about Polish history. This event gave me some hope and more good news arrived; I was accepted into my top pick history graduate program. I was going to work under my favorite author at the time. I admired him and read his books since I was sixteen. It was so exciting for me to finally achieve my dream of being a renown historian. I might have been too much of an idealist at the time. The only good part of my time at home was that I ran into some people I needed to catch up with. Unfortunately, I did not see I needed to keep those people closer in my life. I ended up leaving them without really saying goodbye.

Colorized photo of Marshal Jozef Pilsudski

     I worked a really horrible part-time job after I moved back home for a bit at a dry-cleaners. For a short while I became something of a Communist myself after seeing greedy people with their nice clean clothes. Needless to say, all that ended in August of 2017 when I moved into an apartment close to my university. I lived with an older gentlemen from France who had a wife and kids back in his home country. He ended up being a little too much to deal with on a day to day basis. I kept telling myself, "It will be better. It is going to get better." If there was a narrator in my story he would tell the audience at that moment, "It did not get better." It turns out the man I admired since I was sixteen is nothing but an "armchair general." I became terrified of this man; this was a man worse than anyone I had really met before. He yelled at us (his students) as if we meant nothing to him. He would call us lazy or whiners. He was absolutely one of the most racist men I have ever met. What he said, and what he did was not fair to us. I slaved away for hours a day trying to perfect one of his papers. I would stay up until three in the morning editing my paper for his class, and the only feedback I got was that I needed to do better and not be so lazy. I never did better than a D.

     My life started spinning out of control at this point. I became so scared of him that I started forcing myself to throw up before spoke with him. One day he asked me to come to his office so he could show me how to write a graduate level paper. My spirits started lifting because I thought that he does care and want me to succeed, unfortunately, this was not the case. I go into his office and instead of showing me how to write a graduate level paper through correct grammar and word usage he interrogates me. He asks me if I am using this "self-help" grammar sheet he emailed his students, and then he started getting really angry that I used transition sentences at the end of my paragraphs. He proceeds to pull out his own book that he wrote and showed me all sorts of places where he successfully implemented transition sentences. Apparently, only "skilled writers" can implement them. At that moment I did lose all hope; I started partaking in really bad behavior; I became dependent on certain drugs. I needed help, but I did not have anywhere to turn. I did not want people to think I was a failure, but I failure at that moment was all I understood. I gave up on myself as a serious graduate student.

     This line of thinking led me to a decision that I woefully regret, and I still cannot believe it happened. I felt like my city was on fire. It was burning, and I felt as if I had nowhere to go. I would cry most nights just praying it would all end. I was comparing myself to everyone else who I graduated with; they were working towards being doctors or already been working for several months and living on their own. I think me and everyone else struggles with comparisons. This line of thinking only created desperation. The best thing I did was let some people know what happened, they saved me. They got me out of the program and forced me to head home. I lost over twenty pounds when I was in graduate school. I became very sick for a while; I hated seeing my parents have to take care of me. This might have been the darkest year I ever lived through, but I cannot tell you how much I learned. I feel like a completely different person coming into 2018. My ex-fiancée and old professor will never know or understand the damage they inflicted on my self-confidence and self-worth. It was a painful year, but I am still healing.

Warsaw Today

     The best way I heal is by writing about Poland and its magnificent city of Warsaw. Its revival is legendary and none can compare to it. Not one person's story (including mine) can compare to that city's resilience. It gives me hope knowing that if a city can be burnt into ashes but made into something bigger and better than it was than so could anyone. We all rise and we all fall, but as soon as we accept that ashes are temporary then you can rebuild even from the worst mistakes and destruction. It my overall goal to make this blog about revival and how Poland accomplished this even through insurmountable odds.

Highly Recommended Books:
-Unvanquished: A Biography of Jozef Pilsudski by Peter Heatherington
-Gods Playground: A History of Poland Vol. 1 & 2 by Norman Davies
-White Eagle Red Star: The Polish-Soviet War 1919-1920 by Norman Davies